I think I’m right when I say that we’ve all had at least one bad relationship, and believe me, I wish that wasn’t the rule but rather the exception. Perhaps it’s a rite of passage or perhaps it’s our lack of emotional intelligence and self-esteem at some point in our lives, whatever the reason, today I want to share the motives why like the title says, it’s better to be single than sorry.
The dreadful exes
I’d be lying if I said everything in my last relationship was awful, but the truth is there were more shortcomings than virtues I can recall. I thought I knew very clearly what I was looking for in a boyfriend, but after a high school life of secretly crushing for a couple classmates, and a long distance almost relationship (I refuse to willingly use the infamous word situationship) I was honestly desperate to experience a romantic bond. And even though I knew deep in my heart that the guy that was trying to court me (yes, I like to use expressions from period novels) was not what I wanted and I rejected him two times, I ended up dating him because he liked me, was decent, and like I just said I REALLY wanted to have a boyfriend.
Again, there were some good things from that relationship but when I look back I realize that there were many more and very wrong ones, the two main were the fact that he always made fun of my dreams/goals/aspirations and that he only had an vision for the future for himself and I was not once mentioned in the picture.
Now, when I say dreadful exes I’m referring to these kinds of men (or women), the ones we see potential in or think can change because we will be the reason they want to be better, and even though I believe the latter can happen it’s often not the case. The dreadful exes are those that more than a warm memory become a regretful era that makes us question what were we thinking and why we allowed the bar to be so low, they are the people that it’s honestly better to avoid than to waste time on and to not let your energy and emotions be drained by them.
Are you demanding or do you simply have high standards?
One time I was told by a guy friend that I was “very demanding” when I shared with him what I was looking for in a man, to what I simply replied “I’m not demanding, I only have high standards” and to this date I stand by that.
On a different conversation by text with a German friend (just stating he’s German in case that has to do with his POV) we were talking about our fave book genres and romance came up in my list, he immediately started attacking it saying that romance books and movies were toxic because they made women have unrealistic standards, desire only the pretty guys, etc. And while I agree in some degree I mostly don’t, because expecting what is considered as the bare minimum from the guy who you’re dating and for him to go above and beyond is not unrealistic, also, wanting to date someone who you’re attracted to physically is essential and what might be considered as “hot” for some women won’t be for others of course, it’ just a “I have a type thing” that’s very valid.
Knowing what you want and firmly sticking to it until it finds you is perfectly fine because when we settle, just like I did when I was craving to know what it would feel like to have a boyfriend, we are telling ourselves that it’s okay to receive less than what we think are worth. I’m not saying that if you meet a man that’s 99% what you’re looking for you should reject him just because he lacks that 1%, that’s not at all what I mean because we are not robots and although I firmly believe you can attract/manifest your dream partner there can be some features that may vary in them just as in you that we can overlook as long as they’re not harmful obviously.
Remember, time is the only currency that you can never get back
Which is why when it comes to dating and love I’m using it wisely and you should too. Dating around is fine if you’re not interested in finding someone for the lung run and if you’re not sensitive to other people’s energies, but if you in fact want to find the guy or girl to –this is gonna sound cheesy– spend the rest of this life with, dating around will most likely burn you out emotionally and perhaps also physically.
Giving our time and love is something that not everyone values, and that is why waiting for the guy who truly appreciates it and reciprocates it is worth it.